About an year ago, a retired engineer came to me for uncontrolled hypertension. At the time of presentation, he had mild dementia which continued to progress, despite adequate control of hypertension. His CT of the brain showed multiple lacunar infarcts. Over the year, i have been seeing him and his dementia has unfortunately continued to worsen. He lives with his wife who has, i think, severe arthritis because of which he has to do most of the house-hold activities like cooking, taking care of the house, catching water from the municipal pipe in the street.. They do not have / want any servants. The point i am trying to make is not about his medical condition but the social one. His son and daughter are well settled in nearby towns. The patient in question has developed a tendency to fall repeatedly (Luckily has not developed any fractures yet). But no social support. When i saw him last, he was starting to get confused a lot. Not remembering when to take pills… I have talked to both his children about it. They are not willing to either take their parents with them nor willing to come & stay with him. The main reason being his quirkiness and rigid thoughts. I am sure most of our parents, when they become old become quirky in their thoughts and have lot of difference in opinion from ours. But is that reason enough to leave them to suffer like this. Is this what we payback to someone who sacrificed so many innumerable things to see us being happy? Sure the above mentioned patient’s children are willing to give monetary help. But can money buy peace to their parents? I am sure when we get old, we are going to become out of tune with what our children think and want to do. But our children are learning from what we are doing. They will also learn to neglect us if we neglect our parents. And this is the least important reason for taking care of our parents. We should take care of them for what they were when we were children, for all the sacrifices they did and for all the hardships that they tolerated from us. Probably taking care of them when they are old & fragile is the least payback we can give to all they gave & gave-up for us.
PS: A kind friend of mine, who has not seen this post, forwarded this powerpoint presentation to me which i thought was apt to be put here. Since it does not have an author/source, i am not able to acknowledge the author.
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STDoc, I feel really badly for your patient, and just as badly for his children, because this is something they will regret at a later time, and it will be too late for them to “undo” it.
They mustn’t yet have learned to value what’s truly important.
Thank you for this post, my friend.
How very sad. I’ve told people before, just because you have children does not guarantee they will be there for you in your old age. This is an example of that. I guess we need to teach the value of looking after our elders with as much respect, and dignity as we can afford them. That power point brought tears to my eyes. Hope you are well, S.